NO ONE REALLY WINS

Recently, one of my children broke. It felt like I was suffocating, unable to catch all their tears as they asked the questions I had been dreading. These are questions that I, too, had asked silently in my heart. Why don’t they come more often? Why do they have time for everything else but not me? Why do I feel like an obligation instead of a priority?

I know what pain is. But the pain of watching a child finally let go of hope I don’t have the words for that.

Single parenting is already heavy, but carrying the weight of excusing someone else’s absence makes it even heavier. I’ve exhausted myself trying to soften the reality for my children, ensuring they don’t resent the parent who chooses to show up when it’s convenient or the one who is there all the time for that matter. I’ve spoken words of grace on behalf of someone who doesn’t extend it. I’ve held space, given opportunities, and extended invitations all so my children wouldn’t feel unwanted.

But how do you keep their hearts from breaking when the absence speaks louder than the excuses?

The Weight of One-Sided Commitment

The hardest part about being a full-time parent isn’t just the exhaustion it’s knowing that while you’re sacrificing, showing up, and being everything, the other parent gets to do the bare minimum and still walk away with a clean image like a hero.

It’s heartbreaking that in 52 weeks of the year, only 26 are honored even though I’ve offered more. It’s frustrating that out of everything outlined in the settlement, the only part that is followed is the one that requires the least effort. And it’s exhausting having to reassure my children that they are worthy of love when their reality makes them question it.

The Bible speaks clearly about responsibility:

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” – 1 Timothy 5:8
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
Providing isn’t just financial—it’s emotional, spiritual, and physical presence. And yet, how often do we see parents neglecting their divine responsibility while pretending all is well?

But here’s the thing: I can’t force someone to love, to show up, or to do right. I can only control how I respond and how I guide my children through this.

How Do We Protect Our Children’s Hearts?

Be Honest Without Being Bitter
I refuse to lie to my children, but I also refuse to let resentment take root in their hearts. They deserve the truth, but they also deserve peace.

Surround Them with Unwavering Love
Where there is absence, we must create abundance. More love, more security, more affirmation. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Our children need to know that God fills the gaps that people leave.

Allow Them to Feel Without Shutting Down
Too often, we tell children to “be strong” when really, they need to grieve. A missing parent is still a loss, even if they are alive. They need permission to process their emotions, ask hard questions, and know that their feelings are valid.

Find Community
Single parenting is an everyday commitment—365 days, no breaks, no passing the responsibility to someone else. We need support, not just in crisis but in daily life.

Support Groups for Single Parents
If you’re feeling alone, you don’t have to do this by yourself. There are organizations, online communities, and local support groups designed for single parents:

Single Parent Advocate (www.singleparentadvocate.org) – Offers resources and emotional support for single parents.
Parents Without Partners (www.parentswithoutpartners.org) – A support group providing a network of other single parents navigating the same struggles.
Focus on the Family – Single Parent Resources (www.focusonthefamily.com) – Christian-based encouragement and advice for single parenting.
Facebook Groups – Search for “Single Moms Support” or “Single Parents 365” for online communities where you can share experiences and receive encouragement.

Let Us Pray for the Weary Parent

I know it is not easy for any parent experiencing separation from their children…
Father, I come before You with a heart that is both strong and tired. I lift up every single parent who is doing their best while feeling unseen and unsupported. Lord, give us strength for the days when we feel like we can’t carry this alone. Fill in the gaps where others have left absence. Protect our children’s hearts from feeling abandoned, and remind them that they are deeply loved by You. And Lord, soften the hearts of those who are distant and draw them back to the children who need them. Let reconciliation be possible where it can, and peace be present where it cannot. We trust You with our children and with our own healing. In Jesus’ name
Amen.

You Are Not Alone
If you are navigating the weight of single parenthood, I see you. God sees you. You are doing better than you think, and you are not failing your children.

I created Strength of a Woman to be a place where we can talk about the real struggles not just the cute Instagram versions of parenting, but the moments when it’s hard, heartbreaking, and heavy.

If you need prayer, encouragement, or just someone who understands that will listen reach out:

📖 Blog: Strength of a Woman Blog
🎥 YouTube: @iAmAdonaka
📩 Email: [email protected]

💜 You are not alone, and you are stronger than you know