Learning to Embrace My Femininity After a Life of Armor
With God All Things Are Possible
There’s a weight I’ve carried for so long that I almost forgot what it feels like to let it go. Learning to embrace my femininity has been one of the hardest struggles of my journey because I’ve been wrapped in layers of masculine energy for survival.
In my marriage, I didn’t just wear the armor of strength; I became the armor. My ex-spouse carried strong feminine energy, and while I don’t say this to demean him, it left me to step into roles that never allowed me to rest in my identity as a woman. I had to protect myself and my children because I never felt safe or secure. I had to fight battles I never asked for, carry responsibilities I never expected, and shield wounds I never wanted to endure.
The Weight of Survival
Even in the years I was married, I felt like a single mother. His priorities weren’t with me or our children; it was more clear that he married the church. While I carried the groceries, the bills, and the tears, he carried his title. And now, as an actual single mother, I realize I’ve been in this position for far longer than I wanted to admit.
The hardest part of it all is this question that lingers: Will I ever be ready to date or marry again? I desire to be loved, cherished, and protected, but what man wants a woman carrying this much masculine energy? Men want softness, and I want to be soft. I want to feel like a woman, but I don’t even know where to begin.
God’s Promise in the Process
But here’s what I know—God isn’t finished with me. His promises are still true, even for me. Psalm 46:5 reminds me, “God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” This verse isn’t just poetic; it’s a promise. God’s strength doesn’t mean I need to bury my femininity. It means I can trust Him to protect me so I can stop wearing the armor I’ve carried for so long.
The Journey Ahead
I’m learning that embracing femininity isn’t about being weak. It’s about letting God heal the parts of me that were hardened by survival. It’s about allowing myself to be vulnerable, even with myself. For now, I’m focusing on Rediscovering Who I Am: Not as a protector or a provider, but as the woman God created me to be. Allowing God to Fight for Me: Exodus 14:14 reminds me, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” For too long, I’ve been fighting battles on my own. It’s time to let God take over. Trusting God’s Timing: I don’t need to rush into dating or marriage. God’s plan for my life includes restoration and love, and I trust He will align my path with His perfect will.
Encouragement for You
To every woman reading this who feels like she’s been wearing armor for far too long, know this: God sees you. He knows the battles you’ve fought and the strength you’ve had to muster. But He also knows the tenderness and beauty inside you. You are not too broken to be loved. You are not too hardened to be softened by His grace. Isaiah 61:3 speaks of how God gives us “a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to feel like you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way. God is a restorer, and He will rebuild the parts of you that life has tried to steal.
A Prayer for the Road Ahead
Lord, I surrender this weight I’ve carried for so long. I surrender the parts of me that have been hardened by fear and survival. Teach me how to trust You, to rest in Your promises, and to embrace the woman You created me to be. Help me to wait on Your timing for love, knowing that Your plans for me are good. In Jesus’ name, amen.
This journey isn’t over, but I’m walking forward with faith that the God who has carried me this far will continue to write a beautiful story of restoration and love.
